My mind is wondering, imagination is wandering, my focus is crumbling under my footing and I fall upward into the sweet memory of last night. Come closer. Each time I breathe in I can still feel you. Your fingers gliding over every inch of my skin, your lips moving comfortably all over me as if they were fluent in a foreign language only spoken by my body. All other realities dissipate into the air and there is only this moment. There is nothing else, only your touch and the way my frame opens up to every demand that your hands gesture, my torso arches. Come closer. Like a heatwave that arrives in summertime, the passion closes in and I nearly feel the need to step outside of my own skin, but desire drives me back into the cupping of your arms. Come closer. I can’t help but savor the taste of you like a delicacy that may not linger for long. The taste of your kiss, the tranquility of our conversation and the piercing look from your eyes, no matter how temporary, will always incline me to whisper in your ear, come closer.
Solitude and silence surround me. Everything feels new and old at the same moment, strangely familiar. I pretend to know these strangers. Silence has spent many hours dancing around me, but never steps into my mind completely. Solitude, the stranger that I long to know but can never quite grasp tight enough to hold. It all seems to be slipping. Forever alternating emotions.. panic.. carelessness.. remorse.. anxiety.. calmness… I breathe out, watching the ripples of water run away in full circles as my toes peek above the water. In slow movements I watch the water drip off my knees, my shins, my ankles. My body is soaking in the nothingness all around and I embrace the quiet calm. I close my eyes to the sound of sweet applause, the water clapping against the poolside rocks. “Be proud” it applauds, “you are here for a reason”.
The sun is hung low and to the West, glimmering against the water that hugs me tightly and caresses my skin. My head falls back effortlessly and all I can see is sky. Above me is a sea of pale blue, palm fronds sway with the breeze, a single bird flys across my view.. “Ultimate freedom” I think to myself. I drop my eyes to the waters surface and see a mirror of the same blue sky. I float and soak in the reflection, lost in limbo between the skies. I drop my head back, sinking lower this time, water fills my ears and all but the sound of my breath escapes me.. “Ahh, there you are silence, I’ve been waiting for you.” I release a sigh of relief, “lets welcome solitude to stay with us.”
Though we now share a lasting bond of love, you made an unforgettably faithless mistake in our past. It was filled with deceit and heart break from which it seems my heart will never fully heal. I’ve forgiven you but have not forgotten the ache, it lasts. The pain that remains is what my nightmares reveal…
To make a relationship last you need honesty. Being completely honest can be difficult, but sometimes a little discomfort can save a whole lot of pain down the road… Always say what you mean, and mean what you say <3
After all that was said and done yesterday,
The truth remains that I’m still deeply hurt inside.
I guess I was hoping for something more from you today.
More loving gestures.
More remorse for your mistake.
More interest in making things right.
More willingness to prove you are truly sorry.
Anything to make me feel irreplaceable instead of erasable.
Before I die..
I want to acquire complete peace of mind.
what IT is
what IT isn’t
isn’t IT always something?
this, that or the other..
but most of the time
i’m thinking something that IT is
when IT really isn’t
feeling like this “IT”
whatever IT is
is going to make me crumble
IT creeps and sneaks away
as i chase IT with racing thoughts
and through my own brain i fumble
can i reach IT?
can i grab IT?
so close to my grasp
but IT slips through my understanding
IT could be an old habit
a mere shadow of what IT once was
a lingering IT
that my memories provoke
i don’t want to remember IT
IT is not a friend to me
IT is just an old enemy.
You’re the one thing that sticks right onto my side
No, I can’t withdraw your heart from mine
How’d I get so stuck, so stuck to your side?